you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
