We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
