My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
