never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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