apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
