census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize