he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
