A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
