Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
that may or may not have been my penis.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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