Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
