i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize