Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
