matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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