You just made me feel so damn special
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dignity is for republicans.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
