My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize