I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
