I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
