I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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