I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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