And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize