So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
