I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
