I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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