hell yes lets make some ravioli
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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