i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
