whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
