Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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