Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize