A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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