im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
