did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
