She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
