I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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