names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
