I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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