did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
