I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
time to smoke my breakfast
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
