Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
