Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
