Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my phone needs a breathalizer
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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