i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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