America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
