I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
