I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
