I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
