You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
