shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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