Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
