u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
