Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
