I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
