That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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