I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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