just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im six kinds of drunk right now
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
