Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
