In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
