I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize