Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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