He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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