nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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