If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
