pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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