i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
