Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Randomize
