I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
