Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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