listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
