My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
