I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
