haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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