You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
His nipple licking is glorious
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