If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You need a sexual gate keeper
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
