Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
