I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
