It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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