her vagine was all disorganized.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
